yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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