I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
