i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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