pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
