Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
