Say something about gay babies.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
