the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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