I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
