Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
