I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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