it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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