so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
her vagine was all disorganized.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
