8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
