taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
third nipple confirmed
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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