well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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