My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
