You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I wish there were birth control emojis
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
