So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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