Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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