he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
