She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
God, I missed his penis.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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