I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
