The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
