I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We're too hungover to prance.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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