Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
