Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
