I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
