the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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