Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
