i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
