If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
What drink are we having for lunch?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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