i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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