For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
