my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
