I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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