Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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