We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
ugly people sure do ruin things
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
