why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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