Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I've blown a few things in my day
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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