Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he thought i was a dude.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
