i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
