brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i've created a new STD.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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