my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
