i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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