I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
