so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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