You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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