thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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