Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
