He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
